so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
