i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
