i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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