You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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