I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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