I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
