And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
