You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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