tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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