I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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