haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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