I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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