Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
