I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Who died my cat blue again?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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