you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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