then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
