i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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