thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
