i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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