There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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