so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
