i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Houston, we have a blender
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
