Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
