We won't sleep together?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
