I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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