Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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