Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
