I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize