i wish my penis had a tongue
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
