Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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