he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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