i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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