I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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