Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
