i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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