Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
