I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
