Where is the hickey?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
