I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i out mim tonsoeep
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