My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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