Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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