Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
