i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
