The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
