seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
