Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
