wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
