I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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