I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
