We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
