Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
