College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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