True but thats because hes a fetus.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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