suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
