Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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