hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
