my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
