Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
