Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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