so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
