she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
