I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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