Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she told me i tasted like america
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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