They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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