LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last night I used snow as a chaser
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
