hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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