This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
