He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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