By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
