My hand turned me down
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
