is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
