I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
