You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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