in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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