I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
