Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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