I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Randomize