Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
