Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
