dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
